I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Randomize
