I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
