shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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