I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
