those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
