I could have mohawked her pubes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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