He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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