never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
