Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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