I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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