I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
