my phone needs a breathalizer
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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