in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
