we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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