Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize