I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
