just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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