I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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