I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
this hospital has no fireball
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
