I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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