just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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