I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
