I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
