he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
