Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
