Jerry, you need to find god
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You were trust falling into bushes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
