sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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