I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
