this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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