...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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