Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
