some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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