It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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