i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
