Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
