it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
