hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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