I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
