You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
