I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
