I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
