I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
