Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
