I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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