Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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