Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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