You smell like stripper and shame
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
