Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
