I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
