You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
