Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
