I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
