Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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