I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
