The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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