I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
