In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
