so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He passed out mid-signature
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize