I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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