I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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