Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
