He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
