The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
