how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Randomize
