he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
