God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
