i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
