we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize