Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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