i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
