Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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