oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's always time for handjobs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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