i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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