haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
