my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
