I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
