the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
