cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
