I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
