The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
