I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
