Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
