I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
