I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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