remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My liver just broke up with me...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
