I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
