fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
