I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
