I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
did you just send me my own nude
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize