She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
