HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
