i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
