Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
