is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
