I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was confusing and full of hummus
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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