Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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