billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
