I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My vagina is officially offended.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
