Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
