Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
