I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i dont even know how to be here
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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