He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
