Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
