i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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