if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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