Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize