Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
