You're completely useless in the revolution.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
