i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
