Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
