NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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