I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
