I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
