I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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